reality vs. expectations

in reality it looks like i’m handling this really well. he’s gone in various countries and soon forever, and i’m just trying to keep it together. and i’d say i’m doing a pretty good job. but you know why that is? because i’ve given up. and i know that sounds really bad and depressing. but what else can i do? it’s going to end and it’s already over. he’ll come back to visit and i’ll see him and i’ll say goodbye when our coffee cups are empty. if this is growing up, growing close and then saying goodbye, i don’t want any part of it. it’s too hard.